You Know You're in ___ When....

Questions with dinner:
New Mexico: Red or green?
Hawaii: What's your opinion about poi?  *Snicker*

Colorado: Do you have the organic vegan gluten-free soymilk variety?

Texas: How bloody do you want your steak?
Holland: Are you about to pass out?  Then I guess it's time for a slice of bread and some cheese.
France: You'll eat the chocolate cake!

Reactions to weather:
New Mexico: Is it about to rain?  Then go outside and dance for joy as you watch five drops of rain fizzle on the sidewalk.
Hawaii: Weather?  You mean it's possible to have a temperature that's not 70 degrees?  You must be joking.
Colorado: Snow!  Cool!  Let's ski to work!
Texas: Curl up in front of the TV and watch the radar with a bowl of popcorn.
Holland:  Sunny?  Go outside to make sure you don't miss the 5 photons of the season.
France:  Your friend thinks weather changes a lot. You just laugh because you know better.

Mode of transportation:
New Mexico: Beaten up, dilapidated rusty dust covered car.
Hawaii: Anywhere worth visiting can be visited via surf board.

Colorado: Is it less than 30 miles away?  Use your thousand dollar yuppie bike.  If not, charge up ol' Sparky, the electric car, and you're on your way.

Texas: Your trusty steed (horse).
Holland: Your trusty steed (bike).
France: Ever try cramming on l'metro with 12 thousand other people (le sardine can).

Only in...
New Mexico: Spring comes, the entire state is covered in 70 mile an hour gusts of wind, and you are barricaded into your house behind a wall of tumbleweeds.
Hawaii: Kids learn to swim before they can walk.

Colorado: In one room, an elementary school is having a science fair, where every single entry is about sustainable energy.  In the next room, you can get a Tarot reading and buy a healing crystal.

Texas: Outside of Wal-Mart, a guy wearing a cowboy hat sits on top of a semi-truck sized aquarium filled with big mouth bass, fishing.
Holland: On the first day it's not raining, snowing, winding, and it's just above freezing, the college guys next door will move out their couch outside and lounge shirtless while sunbathing and drinking beer.
France:  Political movement you don't like?  Le greve.  Forced to retire at a higher age?  Le greve.  Coffee not hot enough?  Le greve.

Happy Tanksgiving

Happy Tanksgiving!  No, it's not a typo.   It is what happens when an American bar in the Netherlands tries to put together a dinner on Thanksgiving day for all those American expats or Dutch people who are just curious.

Our armband.  Tanksgiving!!!

Yes, we dared to go to an American bar on Thanksgiving day to eat what the Dutch consider a Thanksgiving meal.  What is a Dutch Thanksgiving, you ask?  The answer is drumsticks (chicken, not turkey), sausage, meatball, zucchini, macaroni and cheese, bread, and fries.  The closest they got to actual Thanksgiving food was corn on the cob (which, considering how rare corn is in Europe, is actually quite special).  Oh, and no Tanksgiving meal would be complete without the Tanksgiving burrito, filled with ground beef, tomato sauce, peas and carrots.

Who ever said the Dutch can't cook?

When I asked if there would be pie, the waitress said "Pie?  Why do you expect pie?"  

Sigh.

After our meal, we headed outside to watch a bunch of very drunk Dutch guys play football in the Grote Markt.  They had a real football, but clearly did not understand any of the rules (they would pick the ball up after it had bounced several times on the ground, throw the ball multiple times to whoever happened to be open, and instead of tackling, they would pick each other up and kick each other).

Needless to say, it was great fun to watch.  It was made even better by the random sorority girls who were crossing through the football game on their way to a party, dressed up in many strange costumes, from frogs to dinner tables to pink square cheerleaders.

Cruising the Canals with the French - or - the Differeneces between France and the Netherlands

Recently, I went to a conference in Amsterdam.  The conference dinner was on a boat, and we cruised the canals of Amsterdam.  During the dinner, I sat with some French scientists, and they made two interesting observations about the differences between French and Dutch society.

The food:

France: You might remember one of my first blog posts on food in France - particularly, the spread of food provided at a work party.  When food is provided, food is provided.  Chefs to grill whole shrimp before you, and foie gras, chocolate fountains, cocktail glasses filled with various flavored moose, macaroons, and crates of wine are in great supply. 

the Netherlands:  Food is provided.  Great!  You walk into the lunch room, to be greeted with sandwiches with meat.  Next to that are sandwiches with cheese.  (Never, ever both.)  If a Dutch sandwich  had meat and cheese actually touch, the world would collapse.  Then there are these packaged raisin rolls (which seem to be everywhere) and pitchers of milk.  Milk?  Yes, milk.  The delegates of the conference commented the only thing that changed with the spread day to day is the order of the trays.  They also said, "Normally when I go to a conference, I'm so full from eating all the time - this is the first time I go to a conference I'm actually hungry before dinner."  Yes, welcome to the Netherlands.  Here, as my Spanish friend so eloquently put it, people eat simply so they don't die.

Shutters:

France: Every house is equipped with shutters, whether they be metal or wood.  As soon as the sun goes down, the shutters swing closed.  I've never seen inside a French house from the street before.

the Netherlands: The Dutch have nothing to hide.  Take a walk at night and you can see inside half a dozen houses - either they don't have curtains or shutters, or they simply don't care.  While on our canal trip, one of my colleagues was able to see inside a houseboat, where a completely naked woman casually strolled around her house.  Yes, welcome to the Netherlands.

Dutch food: The Ugly (and the Weird)

And then there is the stuff that's just plain weird.

Including Dutch sandwiches.

It doesn't sound weird on the outset, but it is common to see a plate of sandwiches at any (and every) Dutch function. These are not your typical American sandwiches, piled high with meat, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, bacon, olives, peppers, mayonnaise and mustard....  There is something very specific about these sandwiches.  They can have one slice of meat, or one slice of cheese.  Never both.  Sometimes you can get a sandwich with both meat and cheese, but it is carefully made so that the meat does not overlap any of the cheese.  I often wondered what would happen if a slice of meat and a slice of cheese did touch on a sandwich.  Would it signal the end of the world?  When I made a comment about this, a Dutch friend said to me, "Meat and cheese on a sandwich?  What do you want, anarchy? What would come next, people dancing naked in the streets?"

Equally strange is that it is very typical to serve cartons of milk along with these sandwiches, even at professional conferences and meetings.  Do you know how weird it is to see a businessman in a suit eating a cheese sandwich and drinking milk from a carton?

But if milk is too tame, there's also karnemelk - or buttermilk.  This is also drank straight from the carton.  Yummy.  *Cough cough*

Then there are bitterballen.

Bitterballen with spicy mustard.  So. Freaking. Good.

What are bitterballen, you ask?  No one really knows.  All we know is that it is some sort of creamed meat, coated in breadcrumbs, fried, and served with beer. The general consensus is that bitterballen are made of either horse or muskrat.  That being said, bitterballen are freaking delicious.

Pancakes are also popular, or pannenkoken.  But how about having two slices of bacon cooked into your pancake?  I love bacon just as much as the next person, but I for one think this is going too far.

Then there's the Dutch sushi.  Pickled herring.  It looks delightfully raw.  The typical method to eat this delicacy is to coat the fish in some raw onions, pick the fish up by the tail, and then gulp it down in one fell swoop.  You can buy these on the street corners - I have yet to work up the courage to try one.

The Passion

I spent Holy Thursday in a very unique way.  In a country where prostitution and some drug use is legal, and religion is rarely discussed, I came together with 20,000 Dutch people, some who crossed the entire country, to celebrate the Passion.

It seems odd that the largest event I've been to so far in this country is centered around religion.  Odd, but also awesome.

Every year on Holy Thursday, the Passion is reenacted in a city somewhere in the Netherlands.  This year, it took place in Groningen.  Major Dutch actors and singers come together to put on a concert/musical, where Jesus' passion is retold in a modern light.

 

Along the main shopping road, stores are given crosses to work into their storefront displays.

On seeing this, I was a bit skeptical of the whole evening.  It seems a bit too flashy, too commercial.

Yes, the concert too was flashy.  But this, I think, is not necessarily a bad thing.  There is something very special to celebrate something so spiritual in a group so large in a very public place, with amazing light displays and moving music (even if it all is in Dutch).

But the night did not start out so hopeful.  Rain, of course, was present, and I couldn't see much over the sea of umbrellas.  Luckily, when the concert began, people put their umbrellas away, and only the choir was able to remain dry.

On the big screen, we are introduced to Jesus (left) and his friend Peter (right).  Jesus and his friends hang out in places around Groningen, from the bowling alley, to celebrating the last supper in the park behind the Martini Tower.

One fateful night, Jesus was praying with his friends in the parking garage, when the police come to arrest him.

Jesus, in an orange prisoner's outfit, awaits to hear his fate.

In a particularly moving portion of the concert, the crowd cheers for the release of Barabbas over Jesus.

As a culmination of the evening, the actual Crucifixion is represented by hundreds of people carrying a giant illuminated cross.  These people began their procession from across town, and slowly walked towards the main square as the evening progressed.  Some of these people had very sad stories - for example, one man had lost his son that year, but they all explained that God had somehow been there for them throughout that year.

The narrator describes the final hours of Jesus' life.

Of course, we know, this is not the end of the story.  The last song was filled with hope and joy.  Four giant strobe lights pierce the rain and project a cross on the low hanging clouds.   I look around the crowd, soaked through from the rain, and see them smiling, realizing the power of what we have all just witnessed.

That's right - he's back - showing that nothing can conquer love - not even death.  

So yes, even though it was flashy, it was a very special night.  In a world that is far too afraid of religion, we came together to celebrate something that is truly meaningful and remember that we too are loved beyond our wildest dreams.

If you are curious - you can watch the entire movie of the passion here (although it is all in Dutch).  But not to worry - apparently the Passion is coming to New York City next year!  

Frostbite and Natural Selection

The Golden Circle is a route in southern Iceland encompassing some of the more impressive geological sites that can be reached within a day trip of Iceland.  The geysers were a part of it.  Most of the Golden Circle, however, are waterfalls - impressively large cascades of water.  The first was the waterfall Faxi.

There was even a ladder for salmon to travel upstream.

A little ways up the road was the even more impressive waterfall Gullfoss.  This is one case where the pictures definetly don't do it justice - Gullfoss is the same order of magnitude of Niagra Falls and is actually two seperate waterfalls - one 11 meter high and the next 21 meter high.  The second waterfall disappears into a crevice, so the full extent of the second waterfall is hidden. 

Seeing Gullfoss in the wintertime was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  The winter temperatures caused large sections of the waterfall to freeze, resulting in huge ice formations. 

It was so cold staring over the edge of Gullfoss, and I felt like I would soon turn into a frostbit tourist.  However, the beauty was hard to tear myself away from.

Icelanders believe in natural selection.  Therefore, there are no warning signs or similar measures to protect touists.  It also means that they don't put down any sand or salt anywhere, including the main tourist destination of Gullfoss.  If you fall, it's your own fault.  I suppose it explains why Icelanders are a tough, if small, populace.

Walking on ice

Interestingly enough, Gullfoss waterfall features in the music video of the popular song "Heaven" by Live, where two lovers are seperated by the mighty waterfall, and end up jumping into the river to be together.  This blog by no means endorces such a drastic action, especially near large bodies of potentially violent water.

Taking the Zwarte out of Zwarte Piet

It's that time of year again!

Time to start the Zwarte Piet controversy anew!

It seems that you either love it or hate it.  I'm talking about the yearly arrival of Sinterklaas.  But it's not Sinterklaas that has everyone talking.  It's his friends/helpers/slaves - the hoards of Zwarte Piets.

Zwarte Piet - Friend or slave?

If you haven't met Zwarte Piet (Black Peter), you can check out my much less controversial post from last year.  Instead of elves, the Dutch Sinterklaas is accompanied by hundreds of "helpers" that paint their faces black, wear colorful clothes, and act goofy as they pass out candy and presents to the kids.  Some of those who grew up with him love him.  Others, especially those who aren't Dutch, are shocked by such a racist caricature.  This year, the controversy has reached new heights.  For me, it started when a co-worker brought Zwarte Piet chocolates to share at lunch... with resulted in a heated argument that lasted no less than 45 minutes.

Sinterklaas and his Racist Candy?

Those who love Zwarte Piet insist he is a well loved children's tradition.  Some say he's not black because of his skin, but because he zips up and down chimneys while delivering presents, and slowly accumulates soot.  Others say that the historical Saint Nicholas was accompanied by a Moor - hence the black skin.  In either case, Piet is a helper of Sinterklaas.  And the kids love him.  

Zwarte Piets perform for the crowds.

Others who hate Zwarte Piet see him as a racist stereotype, something that goes far beyond just his black skin to his large red lips, his frizzy black hair, and his similarity to the politically-incorrect gollywog dolls, now taboo.  His clumsy, bumbling nature doesn't help either.  They claim that Piet is a slave, an especially serious claim, since the historical Saint Nicholas helped to free slaves.  Some even claim it stems from an underlying fear of immigrants.

Goofy antics.

It seems that this year, the controversy reached new heights.  A protester, wearing a shirt with the words "Zwarte Piet is racism" to the annual arrival of Sinterklaas, was arrested by police.  Even a UN task force is investigating Zwarte Piet.  Meanwhile, those who want to keep Zwarte Piet are participating in the pro-Piet petition facebook page, which received over 2 million likes (which, considering the Netherlands has only 17 million people, is especially impressive).

A few years ago, Piet received a makeover, and instead of just Zwarte, Piets showed up in a rainbow of colors.  Outrage resulted.  This year, there was a smaller change of removing Piet's golden earrings, with some Piets wearing different color wigs as well.

Whatever your viewpoint, perhaps the controversy surrounding Zwarte Piet indicates that what one sees as a lovable character others see as an insult - and perhaps we don't understand each other as much as we think we do.    

The Defense

Getting your PhD is a serious business in the Netherlands.  A formal, serious business.  A good friend of mine, Chiara, recently defended her PhD.  Here's an idea of what it was like.

The defense itself is in an amazingly fancy room - an "academic chapel" if you will.  On one side are tall stained glass windows...

And on the other is "balcony seating".

The entire thing is officiated by "the man with the staff".  In his formal attire, he leads the committee in, and then the PhD candidate.

Chiara is accompanied by "body guards" - two friends who technically can answer any questions for her, but in reality escort her around, dressed nicely, looking tough.

The three of them process to the front of the room, and bow to the committee members, who sit at tables on either side of the room, dressed in black robes.

The "main" committee member, in addition to his black robe, gets to wear a chain and carry a bell.

Chiara's two advisors peruse her thesis as questions are asked.  Each committee member gets one question, and they are addressed in turn.

Chiara answers each question, starting out with the phrase "I thank you for your question" or something similar (in Dutch), then proceeds to answer the question (in English).

The front of the room is quite elaborate as well, with a huge mural that the audience, of grad students, postdocs, and family members, can stare at when they can no longer follow the questions.

When time is up - time is up.  The man with the staff walks back in and demands an immediate cessation of the questioning.  It lasts precisely 45 minutes, which means that sometimes, a committee member doesn't get their question answered.  (Much unlike the system for my defense, where the questioning period went on for literally hours.)

The committee processes back out...

... followed by Chiara and her bodyguards.

After a little while, a much more happy and relaxed Chiara processes back in...

and is presented with her diploma (yay!)

Her PhD advisors take the time to give moving speeches.

Her parents look proudly on.

Afterwards, the tradition is to present the new PhD with gifts that have to do with their time in Groningen. 

First a bunch of flowers (to remember the beautiful Dutch flowers).

One of the gifts I suggested was a stuffed cow... Chiara had an encounter with a big scary Dutch cow and now she is scared of cows - so we gave her a sweet stuffed cow (immediately commandeered by her younger cousin).

Of course, espresso cups for the Italian who loves a good coffee.

And since she plays basketball, a basketball we all signed.

Battlefield: Sun

It seems all I do is complain.

All year long, I have been complaining on how cold, rainy, and windy the Netherlands has been.  Now it is none of these things.  It's hot.  The humid air hangs in a stagnant, unmoving mass above the city, with no hope for a refreshing rain shower.

And still, I complain.

Yeah, yeah.  I've lived in Texas.  I should be used to the heat, right?  Well, there is one important difference.  In Texas, you wake up in your nice air-conditioned house.  You walk into your garage, which is slightly warmer, get in your car, turn on the AC, drive to work, run into your building, where it is air-conditioned to a good 60* F cooler than the outside.  You feel pretty dumb bringing a sweater to work when it's 120* outside.  The hottest part of your day is when you come back to your car at the end of the day, which has been parked outside all day and is now hotter than super-critical plutonium.

But Dutch summer is something completely different.  Sure, it is not as hot, but there is NO RELIEF.  No air conditioned bedroom to sleep in.  No freezing office.  Not even a cool grocery store to walk around in for a break.  It's hot.  Everywhere.  

Figure 1: Idiotic window design

It turns out that my house has a pretty idiotic window design.  (Figure 1)  The only way to get fresh air into the house is to crack open the window, which opens about a fraction of a millimeter.  This pretty much eliminates any hope for a breeze (if there was a breeze in the first place).  And since I live on the top floor, that means all the hot air goes into my apartment and stays there.

Because of this, my apartment has pretty much been at 30* C (or 86* F) for a week.  It is hotter inside than outside, and at least outside, you can feel fresh air on your skin.

I have therefore waged battle on the sun.  The curtains are always closed, but this pretty much blocked what little air I could get from my window (open a fraction of a millimeter).  I tried putting a yoga mat up in the window to block the light but let in the air, but after a few days, the yoga mat melted.  So finally, I taped aluminium foil up in the window.  I ran out of tape, so I used whatever sticky things I had left.  I knew I was saving that gum for something!

Ahh!  Immediate relief!  I can feel the temperature drop already.  Take that sun!

Just remind me of this in two weeks when the rain comes back and I again go into sun withdrawal.

Only in New York

New York is a very special city.  Within our first 24 hours there, we witnessed some things we have never seen before - or just plain bizarre things, things that make you stop and say: "Only in NYC"

For example, a real life professional dog walker!

Look at all them pooches.

Or a lesbian wedding in the park,

Or a bunch of French kids dancing the Macarena.

But let's face it - there are some things better left forgotten.

We also saw some very talented guys break dancing and jumping over tourists.

Shortly after this, they asked for our money, saying if we tried to run, they would chase us down.

We also saw some pretty iconic monuments, like Radio City Music Hall

Rockefeller Plaza

Still cold enough to don those skates

And Times Square

Too bright!

Look at all those people!

I couldn't take that too long - the bright flashy lights were too much, and we left after being accosted by a Spider Man.

...but, not before we ended up on one of the billboards in Time Square!

And then there were just some unique moments too, like meeting the Easter Bunny.